Warning

Warning


This is not a hotel!


By The Lemon Tree is best suited to independent professionals that do not require hand holding daily


Other than furnished accommodation, we offer an unvarnished, irreverent and politically incorrect view of life
 
Should you decide to engage in conversation when staying By The Lemon Tree, be prepared to hear arguments that will either conflict with or alter your perception of what you feel your role is or should be in the great scheme of things


If we do our job correctly, you will leave By The Lemon Tree questioning your entire existence 


...


If that does not put you off, then do know that we also have several turtles, cats and dogs around the house 


If you opt to join the Saturday brunch, we will offer you the usual fare plus, more unusually for this region of the world, bacon and, more often than is probably sensible, Prosecco
 

Did we mention breakfast is not prepared on Friday?


Debate and discussion is encouraged and it often goes on till the wee hours of the morning particularly when ethylically induced 


Topics range from discussing the advantage or otherwise, of placing the leading edge of the toilet paper to unfold from underneath or over the top of the roll, to sophisms on metacognition and general Quantum Pontification on Mental Onanism
 

There is something for everyone By The Lemon Tree as too, there are comfortable beds, daily housekeeping, lavish showers* and a decadent brunch


What you will not find By The Lemon Tree however, are maps of the country or telephone land lines. Prepare accordingly
 

Remember! We are not in the business of managing people's sensitivities. If you cannot stand the heat, there is no shade By The Lemon Tree for you



You have been warned!


Lest we forget:

"Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur!"



* Purists of the language of The Bard have objected to our use of the term "lavish" in referring to our showers. 
Now, other than to say that English is my second language, what I can state categorically is that these folks have obviously never stayed By The Lemon Tree, let alone showered here, so that they know not that of which they speak!



This web site is fully, absolutely, pilam ad parietem compliant with Truth In Advertising Standards



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